Unintended Legacies

A pair of shoes that my brother designed in the memory of Dave,

I am writing this post on 8 November. Normally, I dont get that specific on my posts. I like to think that when something is written doesn't have any bearing on the content. My post this time is a very rare exception.
For the last eight years, today has been a difficult day. I share this with others who had a the opportunity to cross paths with a rare individual. Today is the anniversary of the death of Marine SSGT Dave Ries. Dave and three other Marines in his unit were killed when a cowardly terrorist put a road side bomb in the path of their Hummer. I could write a lot about him and what made him so memorable. As I sit here writing with a 6 day old boy asleep in the bassinet, I have thought about the kind of legacy that we have the potential to leave without even knowing it. While there are three kids who had called Dave "Dad", I dont think Dave ever thought about where he had an impact on people. Do any of us really think about that?  Maybe it is good thing that we don't think about things that far ahead. We would stop being ourselves and act how we think we want others to think of us. A legacy only really comes from who we are. It comes from how genuine we are. It is too bad that it takes painful events to remind us of this simple reality.

If a Person "Goes" in the Woods....

Over the past 12+ years of being married, my wife and I have had a number of dogs. We have had different ages, from new puppy to full-grown. We have had different breeds from Lab to Terrier to Boxer. I have heard it said that dogs don’t “poop where they eat”, or “pee where they sleep.” I will unapologetically admit that I am a cat person and I don’t understand the whole idea of people treating their pets like they are people, but, in terms of instincts, it makes sense to me that an animal will pick a different place to eliminate waste than where they eat or sleep. It is too bad that there are people out there who don’t grasp what even animals understand.

Over Memorial Day weekend, my wife and I took our kiddos camping. We are avid campers and there are some places that we go to annually.  One of those places is on the Washington Coast near some amazing lighthouses. It would be a reasonable guess that I am writing about camping with babies.  Reasonable, but wrong.

At the last minute, another couple that we know decided to come camping with us. The campsite had enough room for two tents and the spot was already paid for, so we thought it wasn’t going to be a big deal. This was our first trip of the season and our second since we went back to tent camping.

Between trips with my family when I was a kid and my time in the Boy Scouts, I have done a lot of camping. I am comfortable in the woods and can handle nearly any imaginable situation. There are some things that Wilderness Survival training cannot prepare you for.

While we are tent camping, it is not an uncivilized set of conditions.  About 110 yards from our campsite, there is a bathroom. Not a pit toilet, but an actual bathroom, complete with running water, sinks, and a working shower. This is so much more developed than the pit toilets that I have used in other places. Also, the path to the bathrooms is really a paved road.

On our first evening in camp, after getting things set up and putting the kiddos to bed, the four adults decided to stay up and play games. In the middle of playing, our female companion declared that she needed to use the bathroom. She got up from the table and disappeared from sight, and then she returned in less than a minute. Not only was the speed of her constitutional a surprise, but, she did not have a flashlight on her. I am comfortable walking in the woods in the dark, but I really don’t think that I could have made that round trip, while conducting business in between in less than a minute. When my wife asked how she did that so fast, she told us that she just went behind their tent. To say that I was shocked and offended would be more than an understatement.

One of the tenants that are taught in Scouting is a respect for the land. You leave a campsite in at least as good of condition as you found it in if not better. From a survival perspective, eliminating waste near where you sleep or eat presents a large potential to contaminate available water as well as attract other animals in the area. I tried to explain this to her, but what I had to say fell on deaf or uncaring ears. When we arrived in camp, the Park Ranger told us that there was a bear spotted in the general area where we were going to camp.

This practice of peeing in the campsite continued over the course of the weekend. I don’t think she even saw the inside of the restroom that weekend. A mistake that I made was probably keeping my mouth shut for as long as I did. In the afternoon of the second day camping, we came back to the campsite to put the kiddos down for naps. We sat in the campsite and read while our companions decided to spend more time sightseeing. They arrived a short time after we did and it was decide that we would play some more games. My wife asked me to go and get something from inside our tent. While I was inside looking for whatever I was supposed to find, I heard a sound that reminded me of someone slowly pouring out a water bottle.  My first thought was that an animal decided to go near our tent. I hurried outside to shoo the animal away and was surprised to find out that the animal is human. Our companion decided to go behind our tent instead of going the short distance to the building that is the bathroom. There are some things that happen in life that you wish you could unsee. This was one that I wish I could use some sort of mental bleach to wash the image away.

I am a pretty easygoing person most of the time. I don’t anger easily and I think I am pretty good about thinking about what I am going to say before I say it. That was all tested in those few moments.

It may seem obvious, but I was really upset. I looked at the event as her giving us a visible example of how little respect she has for my family and me. She could have missed and urinated all over our tent that she chose to go behind and that I was in at the time.  For some people I think it would be like peeing in the corner of the hotel room instead of the bathroom. Difference is that you are less likely to be caught doing this while camping.

It was a battle of wills that I had a really difficult time fighting. I am not a yeller, but I yelled. I think I made it clear that I was angry. While didn’t call names, I wouldn’t let her get nearly me let alone hug me like she tried to do. Not only because she didn’t washed her hands afterward, but, I also, I was pretty sure the hug may have turned into strangling on my part. I wished there was a Park Ranger nearby so she could at least get a citation. I am sure there are laws about doing this sort of thing.

What happened next didn’t do anything to calm me down. She tried to justify what she did. Her argument was that when you go backpacking, you did holes and go just wherever. Keep in mind, we were not backpacking and at no time did her hands ever touch a shovel on this trip.

The rest of the trip was a challenge for me. The tension was tangible and while I love to camp and be outdoors, I was more than anxious to get home. On the last morning, as we were breaking camp, I could tell that we were all getting frustrated with each other.  All of my time and experience camping has given me the skill of being able to break down a tent and make it fit in the bag that it came in. I do it almost as well as the machines they use in the tent factories. As I was rolling up the tent, I put my body weight on the roll to force the air out. The same companion who didn’t use the designated facilities all weekend, decided to jump on my back as though she was trying to dog pile on me. This upset a back injury that I suffered in a car wreck a few years ago. I yelled at her to get off of me. She got mad at me for yelling at her, even though we had just told her about the injury. They didn’t stay too much longer after that. This is just a small snap shot of our weekend., but that is another blog post.

My wife and I had the best time on the trip after they went home. We got to explore and do things with the kiddos and just enjoy being with each other without worry about outside pressures and schedules. That, in my opinion, is what a weekend get away is supposed to be about.

I want to know what your opinion is. Do you think I overreacted and I had no business getting mad, or do you think we went camping with crazy?

No Longer Caffeine Free. End of this study

This blog post is a bit past due.  House is filling up again and I can't be happier. After two weeks of having no caffeine in my system, I have determined that the caffeine was not the reason why I was having such problems staying asleep at night.
The science makes sense.  According to a number of studies, caffeine processes through an average adult in 5-6 hours. When I drink coffee, it is pretty consistently in the early mornings only and stops by 9 am. The caffeine is totally out of my system by the afternoon and well before I go to bed, even when I go to sleep early.
Since caffeine has been eliminated as a reason for my sleeping issues, I have started to drink coffee again as I did before. The question still remains, why am I having problems staying asleep? I am going to keep working on figuring it out. It will be harder to figure out with a newborn and an infant in the house.  Good thing is that I do not have to figure it out any time soon.
Between this caffeine study and going 40 days with no social media, I have been thinking about trying different things over a month period and blogging about the experiences.  I am trying to think of ideas.  Things like, only drinking water for 30 days, or no TV watching for 30 days.  Those sorts of things.  I am looking for ideas. If you have any ideas, please leave them in the comments. I only ask that make sure that the suggestions are safe. I don't think I could do 30 days of riding a bike to work on the freeway.

Caffeine Free Day 5 Through Day Day 11

Waking up on the morning of day 5 was really hard. I woke up 7 times in the night.  While sleeping on the twin bed in one of the foster kid rooms was better than the couch, it was not nearly as comfortable as the bed I normally sleep in.  Besides, sleeping alone seems weird to me after being married for 12 years. I ended up getting out of bed about a half an hour later than I should have.  I was awake and alert over the course of the day. No more headaches and I didn't get the shaky hands that I have read about in some of the reading that I have done. We ended up going to bed at about 11 that night.  It was Friday. Best part was that my wife was starting to feel better, so I slept in our bed that night.  One more variable removed.

Got up at about 8 on the morning of Day 6. I think I only woke up once or twice.  We didn't have a very productive day with my wife feeling under the weather.  Watched movies most of the day.  I did do some housework, so the day wasn't a total loss.  We ended up going to bed at about 11 that night also. I don't remember waking up at all that night.

Day 7 was about the same as day 6. Up at 8, watched movies most of the day.  Felt pretty guilty being that lazy. I did go to bed earlier that night though. I was in bed by about 10:30.  Slept through for the second night in a row.

Day 8 was pretty routine for a Monday. 4 am felt like it came too early and it was a really busy day at work.  A quick sidebar, I hear a lot of people use expressions like "I have to go to work." I stopped using that a long time ago. Losing a job with little warning and going over a year without any work changes your perspective on things like that.  My attitude about going to work is more along the lines of "I get to go to work." One little change of word makes a huge difference. I stayed up way too late for a Monday night and was in bed by 11.

Day 9 made me regret going to bed so late. I came to the realization that i live a lot of my life on a similar schedule as my friends on the East Coast. My 4 am is the same time as their 7. and I work from 9 until 7:30 East Coast time.  Difference is that I go to be at about 1 am East Coast time.  Think that may be a clue to my problems.  Still no headaches or tremors. I was in bed at 11 again that night.  You would think I would learn by now.

Day 10 was my wall.  I ended up getting up closer to 4:30 than 4 again this morning and the day was pretty uneventful as rest goes.  The big difference was in the evening when I got home.  I could not keep my eyes open.  I went to bed at 8 and was asleep almost instantly. I only woke up when my wife came to bed.

This morning, Day 11, was a very different feeling kind of day. I actually felt pretty good getting up. Better than I have in a long time.  Still haven't had any caffeine in this time. and I really haven't felt like I needed it. I am writing this post at about 9 pm.  Usually, I am ready to go to bed by now. I am still planning on going to be no later than 10 tonight. I wonder if I am on to something here.

Photo: One of the Coffee Stations at my office.

Caffeine Free Day 4

I got up at about 4:15 on the morning of day 4. I was a little rushed to get out the door on time. I woke up about 5 times in the night.  I think some of it was from sleeping a room that I am not used to and a different bed.  At nearly 6 foot 5, I am not really a good fit for a twin bed. All in all, it was better than sleeping on the couch.
I was feeling tired in the late afternoon and looking back on it, I was more irritable than I should have been in that evening.
Someone asked me today if my experiment is working so far.  I can honestly say that I am not sure.  There has been nothing routine about my week.  I have noticed that the idea that coffee gets my day going is not accurate. I have not seen any benefit to drinking coffee that water has not been able to accomplish. Today was also the second straight day without a headache.  I ended up getting to bed at about 11.  I am looking forward to my wife feeling better. She has been miserable.

Caffeine Free Day 3

One of the benefits of being a foster parent is that there is never a shortage of beds. We don't have any little ones in the house a the moment. With my wife sick in bed, I am trying to give her the best chance to recover. I woke up at least 3 times in the night that I can remember. Main thought running through my mind was that I was going to oversleep my alarm on my phone. I got up at about 4:15. My back was killing me after night two on the couch. I have a permanent back injury from being hit by a drunk driver a few years ago. I am not disabled. Some days are just bad back days and this was one of those mornings.

I had a little trouble focusing when I first got to work, but, that started to clear up as I moved around more and drank some water. I feel like I functioned alright as the day went on. I was ready for bed at about 9, but, didn't end up going to bed until about 10. Kindle was off and my eyes were shut by 10:30.

Main thing I changed was I used one of the twin beds that we have for our older foster placements. I haven't slept on a bed that small since I was a kid living in California. The hope is that sleeping in a bed will be more restful than sleeping on the couch. Stay tuned.

Photo: The actually bed I am using for now. They are not as cool as my Star Wars sheets I had as a kid.

Caffeine Free Day 2

I was a little slow getting up at the beginning of day 2. I am not sure if it was from sleeping on the couch or the caffeine being purged from me. Did OK over the course of the work day. Headache kicked in at 2:30 again. I took some pain meds to try to compensate. Headache came back at about 7. Stronger than on day 1. I started to fall asleep in my chair while watching Deadliest Catch. That is the biggest indicator that something is wrong that I can think of. Spend a second night on the couch and went to sleep at about 10:30.

Personal Sleep Study Kickoff and Caffeine Free Day 1

I have had a difficult time sleeping. This has been going on for some time. I get between 4 and 6 hours of sleep per night. There are some people who can get by on that and I have been trying to for some time. I am typically up at 4 am. No, that is not a typo. I work about 10 hours a day and try to be in bed by 10. Sometime though, midnight seems to happen more often than 10.

Recently, I have not been able to stay asleep. Falling asleep is not a problem. My wife tells me that I am fall asleep before my head hits the pillow. I wake up about 5 times a night. I also usually wake up more worn out than I felt when I went to sleep.

Medical science and most horror movies with a driven, mad scientist tells us that it is usually not a good idea for a person to experiment on themselves. The experiment that I am doing I think is a reasonable exception. I have decided to eliminate caffeine from my diet. That means no coffee or anything that I know has caffeine in it. I already do not drink soda, so that is not an issue. I have eliminated it as of April 9. I am going to try it for at least a month and see how it goes.

Follow along. Let see what happens.

What I have done in the past is make coffee for myself at home before heading out to work in the morning. I use my Keurig and set it to make the biggest cup that it will produce. I don't actually start drinking it until I get to the office at 6. It is gone by the end of my first meeting at 6:45. After that, I refill my coffee mug with the company issue mud. That will usually be gone by 8:30 and I have water for the rest of the day.

Day 1

Had water this morning instead of coffee. I already drink water most of the time, so this will not be a a big shock. I didn't feel very different that I did on a normal coffee work morning. The only main difference that I noticed is that I developed a headache at about 2:30 that afternoon. From what I have read about caffeine withdrawals, headaches are common for the first 5 days or so after caffeine intake ceases. I also had a kiddo in the house that acted like the existence of the universe depended on her talking without stopping. I was asleep by 10:30. My wife came down with the flu, so I slept on the couch. I need her to get better.

Image: Caffeine Molecule. Source, Wikipedia