Refit's First Quarter

First of all, this has absolutely nothing to do with April Fool's Day. Time is an artificial constuct anyway.

Peoplr who are familiar with the podcast Cortex will have heard of the idea of the yearly theme. After the unsual year that we all had, known as 2020, my theme is "The Year of the Refit".

A refit is an event where something like a ship or an airplane goes through an overhaul of sorts. Equipment is upgraded, repaired or removed due to being obsoleted. The process takes a long time, but when finished, the ship is nearly brand new. 

I have been offline since early January. My year of refit did not start as I planned, but it did start in the best way possible. Taking the time to rehabilitate my foot, my back and my mind has created the best set of conditions for the rest of the refit year to be successful. 

What I have learned from this is the importance of listening. Listening to those around me, listening to my body and listening to my mind. Listening to the doctor and the physical therapists helped me to fix my foot and back. Listening to my mind helped me to start working some long damaged mental stuff. The time off of the internet was part of the active process of listening. I had to get in better touch with reality. I had to make my world smaller.

I am not going to tell anyone what to do. I would recommend that you let your life tell you what to do. 

A refit takes a long time. I have heard of Aircraft Carriers taking up to 5 years for a proper refit. That is a refit involving experts in their fields and the proper equipment to complete their common goal. A personal refit is much the same. To be done properly, it cannot be rushed. Shortcuts do not lead to success. 

The Year of the Refit: End of Week 1

 This was one of those weeks where I am kind of glad that there are 52 in a year. The first 4 days of the new year were pretty strong. I put down 16.5 miles and filled up all of my rings on 3 of the 4 days (one day I was an hour short of my stand goal). The 5th was were the downfall began.

The 5th was my birthday and I didn't feel too bad about how that morning went. I didn't respond to my alarm as I should have and missed my window for running in the morning. While I wasn't bummed about getting a little older, I wasn't looking forward to the day. My depression has been pretty bad for a while and I was concerned about how I am feeling might get worse or become more visible to the people around me. Since I am relatively new on my job, it was a Tuesday, like any other day at work, which I was happy about. My wife had a minor surgical procedure that day as well. Overall, it lead to the mellow evening that I wanted.

The core problem has been with the rest of the week. I don't know what the deal was, but I had a few straight morning where my alarms on my phone and I were not seeing eye to screen. I am not sure how, but I managed to wake up in time to get to work. The end result was that I did not run, or fill my rings.

I have a couple of options in front of me at this point. I can beat myself up over not hitting my goals, or I can give myself some grace and get back to work. The first choice will be of no help, so number 2 it is.

So, here are this weeks numbers...

I am up 2 pounds from baseline. I think some of that is from my body getting confused with the changes after the holiday.

I ran 16.5 miles last week. That is what I have to build on.

I managed to hit my spiritual targets for the week. I feel like there is more that I can do.

I did not spend any time working on my programming plans this week. I did make head way in the books I am reading though, so can call that a small win. I also got some things taken care of on my action item lists. That hasn't been the case for a while. I hope I started to add some wrinkles to my brain this week.

The Year of the Refit

There is something visibly obvious when someone watches the classic TV show Star Trek and then watches Star Trek: The Motion Picture. In the movie, the USS Enterprise looks really different. The ship retained the same basic shape and the well known rooms are effectively in the same places, but the interior and exterior of the ship are all updated and upgraded to function better, faster, and more efficiently. In real life, aircraft and naval vessels undergo similar revisions and those are called refits.

USS Enterprise from the Original Series

USS Enterprise from the Movies
                                                                                  

I am not the sort of person who does New Years Resolutions. I never have been and I have written about that before. On the podcast, Cortex with Myke Hurley and CGP Grey, they talk about yearly themes. The difference between a resolution and a theme is a resolution is a specific set of actions, like go to the gym 4 times a week, or stopping smoking. A theme is a set of parameters that a person chooses to make their decisions based on. A theme around spending more time with family would use that as a factor in deciding what projects to take on or say "No" to. A person who has chosen a theme around learning new skills may choose to read a book instead of doom scrolling Twitter while standing in line at the pharmacy. Another difference between a theme and a resolution is that a theme can start and end whenever and can always be restarted. In the case of New Year resolutions, someone misses a day and then they feel justified in giving up. 

For myself, my theme this year is the year of the refit. 

Physical: The last couple of years have been really hard physically and mentally. I think that statement would be echoed by most people. My running speed, endurance and stamina have all gone down since I broke my toe and, even though I have recovered, my running mechanics have not returned to the previous form. While my speed has gone down, my weight has gone up. That is a factor in my running performance, but it is also a factor in my mental health. I have gained all of the weight back that I lost when I started running 5 years ago. Having to put clothes back on that used to fall off of me broke something in my brain. Also, my weight has an impact on how my medications work, so there is another avenue were my mental health has been effected. 

So in an effort to correct all of these numbers going in undesirable directions, I am going to take steps, in some cases literally, to close all of the rings on my Apple Watch. For those not informed on what that means, there are 3 rings on the Apple Watch displays that track 3 different indicators. The blue ring is for the number of hours in a day where you stood for at least one minute. The green ring tracks how many minutes you exercised and the red ring tracks how many calories were burned doing physical things, called active calories. It is not calculated the same way as a physician or dietician would do it, but closing those rings on a daily basis is an indicator of taking positive steps to living a healthy lifestyle. As for my settings, the goals I have are based on my activity for the past 3 years, since I collected data on an Apple Watch. My blue ring is set with a goal of 12 hours. That was the default setting for a long time. It is also the easiest of the three rings to closed daily. My green ring is set for 30 minutes of exercise per day. The red ring is set for 950 active calories. Other things that can be tracked are a target of seven hours of sleep and drinking a gallon of water per day. How the rings get closed is not the point. I can run, lift weights or practice yoga. The diversity of exercise will help to balance my training.

The other factor is behaviors that I will not do. I will not eat anything that could be purchased from a drive thru window. Another one is not eating after 8:00 pm. That is not just about reducing snacking, but I don't sleep as well when my stomach is full.

Intellectual: Another down spot for me in 2020 was being laid off for six months. While I am well educated and have of 20 years of experience at my day job, the competition for jobs has been really challenging. I needed to find ways to keep my problem solving skills sharp and learn some new things. I started to learn to write code, and I have been having fun with that. I am also going to put more non-fiction in to my reading routine. I read 14 books in 2020, but almost all of them were fiction. I am not dropping fiction completely, but I am aiming to read 12 non-fiction books this year. A mind is like any other muscle, it needs to be exercised, or it will atrophy. The books that I am planning to read are ones that I already have. More about that in another post.

Spiritual: It is well known that depression and anxiety are them Siamese twins of mental illness. One the areas that I have the hardest time with is finding ways and space to relax. I am going to make a greater effort to meditate. I have heard it said that a person needs to meditate for 10 minutes a day. If they don't have 10 minutes they need to mediate for an hour. My issue has been setting up daily triggers to make meditating top of mind for me. The hope is that with doing it daily, I can get better at it as well as create some peaceful space in my day. l am also going to continue to study Stoic Philosophy. I have found it helpful in keeping my focus and attention on things inside of my control and to set aside the rest. 

Under ordinary circumstances, there would be a social component to the refit, but a lot of that is outside of my control. Even though I am an introvert at heart, there is something missing in only seeing people on computer screen and reading their words instead of hearing their voices. I am going to work that in as the health of the world allows. 

Expected Results: The way I will be able to measure the effectiveness of the refit will be in the simple things. Weight reduction and 10k times reducing, VO2 Max data increasing are just a few indicators. Also, my flexibility will improve my current, monolithic, state. I will feel calmer and not as anxious or depressed. It is no substitution for being treated by professionals, but, it cannot hurt. I also derive some happiness in learning something new, so that will be a plus. Part of the way the theme works is in how all of the elements are interconnected. The theme addresses where I am and where I want to be in the next twelve months. The numbers are just the measure, not the goal in and of themselves. If I lose 20 pounds, as opposed to 40, that is OK. It is acceptable if I get through nine non-fiction books. Since the theme will a part of my routine doings, I expect that I will write about how it is progressing. 

I recognize that this is a really big theme. While all of the different elements are complicated in and of themselves, they are all interconnected. Physical activity helps with my mental state. The intellectual pursuits help to stimulate my mind as well as giving my mind something else to focus on, so that depression doesn't get a chance to take a foothold. The spiritual aspects work to clarify my thinking and to reduce my stress, which in turn, positively impacts my mental state. This will be a work in process, so I expect that there will be some slips. It is the _year_ of the refit, not day or week of the refit. I think that is an important thing for me to remember so I can more easily give myself grace. 

Some Heroes Wear Running Shoes

A few weeks ago, I was out on a run in my neighborhood and I came across one of the neighbors out on her walk. Even in the time of COVID, there are some of us who are able to go out on walks and runs while keeping reasonable distances from each other and wearing masks. In my stash of workout clothes, I have a lot of superhero related shirts. There is no leaning toward Marvel or DC, all of the shirt choices were based on fit. 

After a run, wearing the shirt.

As I happened upon the neighbor, she recognized me and asked if I was wearing a Captain America shirt the other day. I didn't recognize her at first, because she was by herself. After I confirmed what I wore on my run the other day, she told me that her son, who I would guess is about 4, recognizes me in the
neighborhood not by my height, but by that shirt. When I see the little boy out with Mom and the little sibling in the stroller, he is usually wearing something or somethings along the line of super heroes, so I can understand the connection in his mind. 

This family, who lives on an adjacent street, got me thinking about a couple of different things that in my mind are connected to the weight of these distanced interactions. First, runners are ambassadors to the community. Not just the people who see us huffing and puffing as we go down the road, but also people who are thinking of maybe taking up the sport. It is impossible to tell, but sight, if someone is lining up at the start of a race for the first time, or for the 150th time. Runners tend to be nice, supportive people. The race is not against the other runners, but against the course and against who the runner was. Runners are ambassadors or positivity, politeness and perseverance. The homeowners in the neighborhoods we run in either will see us as people who work hard for a goal, or who generate a lot of noise and a lot of garbage on our way past their houses. 

The connection of that child recognizing me by my shirt also is a reminder that everyone is a role model to someone else. The role model doesn't get to choose who admires them. Back in the 1990s, there was a Nike commercial campaign where Charles Barkley is not a role model.

While I understand where the commercial is coming from, Sir Charles has no say in who looks up to him. Being a role model is not something one is paid to do. They are also not a substitute for the role that parents should have in their kids lives. The rest of us are no different in that respect. Since role models can come from anywhere, it is not unreasonable for someone to be a role model and I have no idea that they are on that pedestal.

During a run, a trip to the store, or your time picking up your kids from school, a person can be admired at any time. It can also happen in the workplace. An intern or a new hire can see how you conduct yourself at work and make one of two decisions. Either you can be an example of what sort of coworker they want to be, or you can show them how they do not want to behave. 

On a run, when someone waves at you, smile and wave back. It doesn't throw off your pace or require you to even stop. Out in public or at work or school, be nice. I am not saying that a bad day or a bad mood isn't allowed, but, be mindful of how you react to things. Given the number of shirts I have from races, I don't pay much attention when I put one on. Even with nothing on me that flags me as a runner, you never know who you will run into in public. That potential is not limited to famous people. My wife and I have a joke between us that we can't go anywhere without me seeing someone I know. It isn't completely true, but does happen enough that it feels true.

When you think back to when you were younger, was there anyone that you looked up to? Did they know that was the case? Nature and nurture psychology says that the people we interact with have an impact on who we become. Jim Rohn said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. When you consider all of these factors, what sort of impact do you want to have on society, even if you are not sure how?

151 Days In...

The 18th of May was last day on the job. It was a job that I had for less than a year, but, it was a job that I liked and, from what I understand, the people that I worked for liked my work and really didn't want to lay me off. I suspect that they didn't want to reduce their worldwide staff by 25%. Between COVID-19 and issues with one of the major players in the industry that I have worked in for the past 15 years, a perfect storm was created that has put me and a lot of other good scientists, engineers, and technicians back into the pool of perspective job candidates. 

This was not the first time that I have been part of a reduction in force. This time was different in that I was given just over 2 weeks notice. In my previous layoffs, I thought that I would have liked some sort of warning that a layoff was coming. The first time I was involved in this sort of a situation, I could tell by the amount of work that I had and what was going on in the company that the layoff was coming. While I started to take my personal items home about a week before the axe was officially dropped, I still had some hope that things would change. I had been there for five years and with my marriage was less than two years old, I was feeling stress in a way that was totally foreign to me. I was not only worried about how I was going to take care of my wife, but I knew a lot of people who were also out of work. There was a lot of competition for very few openings. I had wished that the people that I worked for had communicated better what the state of the business was and let people know what their short term futures were. 

Those wishes were fulfilled during the job loss that happened in May. I don't think the advanced warning made things better as I thought it would. While my wife and I were able to start cutting our expenses earlier, the work was harder. Since I was paid through my last day, I worked as hard as I could through that last day. It isn't in my nature to do otherwise. It was hard to forecast projects that I knew I would not see to completion. It was a challenge to be sure not to say too much to clients or suppliers. I was given no direction as to what I was allowed to talk about. The only real benefit was that I was able to hand off my projects and make the transition easier. Ultimately, the transition was made easier for my former employer, but I can feel like I did my best work until the end of my last day on the job.I did get a chance to talk to some of my clients and secure recommendations and references. I think that worked out better form me in that it demonstrated my professionalism to any future employer.

Ultimately, having your job end is not a pleasant experience in most cases. I don't think that having an explicit end date defined was the improvement on the situation that I thought it would be. The end result is the same and the next steps to be taken are the same. It is a better to pay attention to what is coming next that it is to dwell on the past. It is said that a waste of time keep looking back. That is not where you are going. There is a reason why it is called the road ahead.

So, That Wasn't the Outcome You Wanted...

We are living in a time of high unemployment and a pandemic. There have been wildfires on two continents. Our world has been fractured and divided in ways that have no historical precedent. With all of this stuff going on in the world, not only are there many people looking for work, but the way we job hunt has change a lot in the last year. Something that hasn't changed is the variables in the act of job hunting that are completely out of our control.

A universal part of job searching is the rejection component. I don't know of anyone who has received a job offer from every business that they applied to. There are more people looking for work than there are open positions. Even with these commonly known factors, being rejected for a job is hard. It is hard because you may be desperate to find work to support the family. It is hard because that job may represent a big move in your career. When you applied for the job, and when you were interviewed for the position, you may have thought that you are perfect for the role and that you could make a big impact on the business. When that rejection notice comes, it feels like the people you met with didn't see how perfect you are for the role. The rejection with no explanation and closure feels empty and presents a real opportunity for someone to feel down about themselves. The questions start to pile up with no answers to relieve them. While the chance to become disappointed and depressed about the situation has a lot of gravity to it, it is important to remember some helpful bits of reality.

1) All job searches are competitions. It is easy to forget that there are more people, besides you, applying for the same jobs that you are. Unlike other competitions, like sports or debate, you have no information about who you are competing with. Even though having that information would be completely useless, remembering that simple fact makes a big difference. The company that you applied to and interviewed with is looking for the best person that they think will fill the role. It is about making their business better, not about you feeling worse. There is nothing personal to it.

2) It is important to also remember that while you may apply to 5-10 jobs per week, the companies you are submitting to are hearing from a lot of other people going for a lot of positions. Reading and sorting through the resumes and cover letters takes along time. Stuff gets missed. A hiring manager may only spend a few seconds looking at a resume. Most of the time, reviewing resumes and job applications are not anyone's full time, all of the time job. Clearly, they are hiring because they recognize that they need help.

3) Just because you didn't get this job, does not mean that you are not unemployable. It is easy to fall into that hole of self-doubt. This disappointment is temporary. Keep looking and applying for the job that you want.

4) The inverse situation is just as important. You don't need to accept every job offer that comes. If you feel like that culture at the company may be toxic, or the commute is farther than you can stand, or you don't want to move to a new state, you don't have to accept the role. With all of that said, you may need to be careful how you do that. Sometimes, when a person is receiving unemployment, that may be required to accept any offer that comes. If that is the situation that you are in, it would be wise and proactive to withdraw from the position before that get to the offer phase. Remember you are evaluating the prospective employer as much as they are interviewing you. Otherwise, you might just be exchanging the misery of unemployment for the frustration of being in a job that you don't like.

I have been writing this from my own recent experiences. I have been writing this for myself as well as for anyone who could be helped by reading this. I am telling me and telling you to keep pushing. We are in a bad job market. There is a lot of competition out there and you have no idea if the people who got the jobs you didn't are better suited for the jobs than you are. It is a waste of time and resources to dwell on it. Focus on your strengths and talents. You are selling yourself in the act of job hunting. Put forward the best product that you can. 

Voice Lessons: No Escape

 I have been primarily using an iPad Pro for a little over a year. I went this route because my work horse 2011 MacBook Pro, while still working, is not working as well as it did when I first got it. For a while, while my MacBook was unavailable, I used an iPad Air 2 with a keyboard to get most things done. This experience really got me thinking about what the limitations of the iPad really are, versus the limits of my knowledge of how to use the device. 

Part of the decision to go with the iPad Pro over buying another MacBook (Pro or Air) had to do with how much I like to use iPad OS. While there was a stretch of time where it was necessary to figure out how to do my tasks with apps and the operating system, the experience caused me to develop an affinity with iPadOS. While some people complain about multitasking, I found it to be very useful and with some tweaks to my workflow, I was able to get it to work almost as I needed.

 Almost is where the story really begins. My current setup is a 2018 12.9 inch iPad Pro in a Smart Keyboard cover and the Apple Pencil. When I bought it, the plan was that this was going to be my daily driver. My computing needs primarily revolve around writing, email, household accounting, task management and social media. None of these functions require a ton of computing power. I don't write code or edit large audio or video projects, so it seemed like the iPad would be up to the missions that I have. For the most part, my tasks are nearly achievable with the iPad.

 I was able to adapt the stuff that I do to the new environment. In my day job though, I use Excel quite a bit. I have learned to do a lot of things with the software, in terms of analyzing data and looking for trends. Excel has been a key part of my work for over 15 years and it has become a comfortable tool for doing statistical analysis. When I tried to go with the iPad only lifestyle, I started using Numbers. It was because it came on the iPad and I was able to figure out how to make it fit into my workflow. I wrote some simple formulas for doing some basic spreadsheet work. As I worked on the templates and macros, I wanted to add more functionality and automation to the sheet. I quickly realized that there is some functions in Excel that is missing in Numbers, namely being able to do pivot tables with the data. A pivot table is a tool used to breakdown larger statistical data sets based on categories that the data falls into. I use them to evaluate how frequently certain things happen in my work. I also use them at home to break down the expenditures in my family's budget by category. Numbers kinda sorta break down the data, based on category, but there is still some manually math that has to happen to get to where a pivot table in Excel gets me. Why do math in a calculator from numbers on a spreadsheet? I installed Office 365 on my iPad and it bridged a lot more of the gap between what I needed to do and the limits of the iPad. However, it is still not possible in the MacOS version of Excel to create a pivot table. A previously created table can be refreshed, but a Mac or PC is required to build the initial pivot table. That was one problem that was beyond the iPad to solve.

Another thing that I was not able to do in MacOS was to use some of the functionality on some websites that I work in. Whenever I went to access those sites, the operating system keeps trying to push me to use the app version of the product. The apps have a lot of limitations when compared to the web version of the product. I needed to access the sites on a Mac or PC to use all of the functionality available. That was a second problem that was beyond the iPad's grasp.

Even though I don't write code, I do write formulas and equations for analyzing data sets. I have been doing this for a long time and have gotten in the habit of using the Escape key when I have made a mistake in my formula and need the algorithm to go away so I can start it over. The smart keyboard does not have an Escape key. I don't know of a keyboard made to go with the iPad that has an Escape key. I know that I could remap a key to give myself one, but, that would not solve the problem of muscle memory. Sometimes, I use the back-tick (`) and remapping that key just changes the name of my problem instead of solving it. I remember when Apple released the first Touch Bar MacBook Pro models and developers talked about the lack of a physical Escape key and I could relate the the concern.

For as much as I wanted my iPad Pro to be my only computer, I find myself in that space where it was not going to solve all of my computing needs. Also, it created some artificial limits

around developing future skills. There have been more than a few occasions where I have thought of teaching myself how to write code. As a result, I bought a 2020 MacBook Air. The scissor switch problems on Apple laptops that people were reporting was part of my reason with trying to go iPad only. I was determined to wait through the era of the scissor switch keyboards before I considered buying a new Mac. While the 16 inch MacBook Pro came out earlier this year, it is way more computer than I need or could afford. My daughter told me that she likes my computer. "It is cute and small," she said. Ironic considering I think my wife's 17 inch laptop is huge. Generally speaking, I am not a fan of bigger laptops. If I need something that big, I wouldn't haul it around much, so an iMac would do the job.

As far as the MacBook Air goes, I freaking love this thing. Even for being a consumer grade computer, it out performs my old MacBook Pro. Considering that the Air it is almost 10 years newer, it should out run my MacBook Pro. I also love not having to deal with the response times of spinning hard drives. The 13 inch MacBook Pro was announced the Monday after I ordered the Air. If I edited video in 4K, or wrote code professionally, I would have cancelled my Air order and gone with the new 13 inch MacBook Pro. The thought that Apple would start making computers with ARM chipsets, instead of Intel, was not something I had considered a near term possibly.  The Air not only meets my short term needs, but I think I will be able to use it for many years to come.  I did the migration of my data from the old machine overnight and it took about 5 hours. I am glad that I slept through that. So far, in the time that I have had it, I have not had any trouble with the Air. I love how the keyboard feels as I type and there is a physical Esc key. It feels like things are in order. While some people have talked about problems with thermal performance, I have not experienced any of those issues. I also don't try to use my MacBook like a gaming PC. Another plus to the Air, versus my old MacBook Pro is that I can reliably do video calls on it. With job interviews being done on Zoom, Google Meet, or Skype, The MacBook Air has been able to handle it. I am not sure that my MacBook Pro could have. Even with the 720p camera, I have been clear on camera and the people I have been meeting with have been able to hear me with no issues.

 Where does this leave me, in terms of my iPad? I still use it every day and it accomplishes a lot of my basic tasks. The workflows that I developed for performing tasks on the iPad are still faster to do than on my MacBook, so I still gravitate to it for those actions. I am also using it for things, like email, that I do in the evening while watching TV with the family. I am also using the MacBook on a daily basis. It has been perfect for doing things, like job hunting, where some of the websites do not allow the use of a phone or tablet. I am also using it to do things like building more complicated spreadsheets and teaching myself how to code. Mostly the computer that is in front of me is the computer that I can get things done with.